i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
