Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
