when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I haven't been this sober since birth.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
