He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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