i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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