Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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