I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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