if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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