is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
