I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We are two peas in an std pod
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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