guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
