dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
