whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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