I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
