Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
