I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
