I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
