they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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