Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
