Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
