I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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