Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
