Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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