the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
