Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
