Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
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