He had one of those small greek statue penises
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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