yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
People in love make me want to vomit
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
