I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
