I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
