Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
