she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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