sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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