I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
