what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
