i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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