batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
