Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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