Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
