What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
