sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
