That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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