Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
