he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
