ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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