remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
