We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
