Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
