the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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