I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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