TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
