I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
