3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
