Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
