what day is it and did you see me today?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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