I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My penis needs a shock collar
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
